almondize

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 09:12:58 GMT

CerebralSitarist (16:01:45): i just thought i would take the complement and run.
CerebralSitarist (16:01:48): run with it.
vaishnavij (16:01:49): hahahahahahaa
vaishnavij (16:01:56): *compliment, but i understood the gist
vaishnavij (16:02:04): =P
CerebralSitarist (16:02:05): thank you grammar nazi
CerebralSitarist (16:02:11): i AM the editor of the patriot (Libertarian paper on campus)
CerebralSitarist (16:02:16): i am allowed to have bad spelling
CerebralSitarist (16:02:19): on aim
vaishnavij (16:02:32): haha because everyone knows republicans cant spell
vaishnavij (16:02:36): what with all the education cuts
CerebralSitarist (16:02:49): 1. I am not republican
CerebralSitarist (16:03:08): 2. republicans compromise the dumbest and smartest people of society
CerebralSitarist (16:03:14): so the overall average, yes, is lower
vaishnavij (16:03:20): *comprise
vaishnavij (16:03:35): (sorry i just HAD to do that!)
CerebralSitarist (16:03:39): sali

CerebralSitarist (00:26:52): and im finally seeing how surya is hot
CerebralSitarist (00:26:59): it took me about 3 hours
CerebralSitarist (00:27:04): of staring
CerebralSitarist (00:27:06): at his mug
vaishnavij (00:27:19): OMG haha seriously?
CerebralSitarist (00:27:20): but i kinda see how u can find him hot
CerebralSitarist (00:27:37): i think my brain just told me to accept it so i wouldn't have to keep going back to ur profile
CerebralSitarist (00:27:52): it's like a bug and a lightning zapper thingy
CerebralSitarist (00:27:57): u know it's horrible for you
CerebralSitarist (00:28:01): but you're fixated
CerebralSitarist (00:28:22): ok actually ew
vaishnavij (00:28:23): pshhh you need to find better reasons to stare at my picture

HAHAHAHAHA

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 05:47:19 GMT

There is too much to finish before we die. One or two people, the blessed beautiful one(s), get to complete maybe 50% of what they want to do. The rest of us will have make do with our mediocrity and mask those feelings of massive inadequacy with a really disgusting word: "content".

Sat, 05 May 2007 19:25:22 GMT

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will cant speak and my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness,
forgiveness
Even if,
Even if you don't love me anymore.

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 03:19:04 GMT

Oh dear lord, seriously.

How many times will I have to rise to my defence and repeat that yes, I really am that oblivious to my surroundings, that I didn't light up, rush over, and enthusiastically embrace someone who I met just once for two minutes at some random party? Or repeat that I really don't know all 2300 of your names and am not really going to try remembering it if we interacted for less than 5 minutes? How many times before some random ass stops telling my suitemate that I am "cold, way cold", and how long before she stops needing to explain that I really am that clueless?

Seriously. I am so peeved right now. UGH.

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 02:18:50 GMT

N is an asshole. A conceited and shallow asshole. Want to cut him up into tiny little pieces right now, just such a shithead. God knows why girls go gaga over that asshole. ASSHOLE.

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 04:22:04 GMT

random thoughts too cryptic to post on blog without sounding like teen 20TH YEAR NOW HELLO!

1. Dude's very very sad, having no concrete personality of one's own, and just drifting from one strong personality to another. Feel bad, wish I could help him overcome that somehow. But ahh well. If I can't help, Life will I suppose.

2. I hate the thought that M could be backstabbing. Especially in that casual way of hers as if it means nothing to her and the bitchee. But what'm I supposed to do, track her every move and meeting? So she bitches, I can deal, s'alright.

3. I love the fact that even with all the bitchiness in the air I have such wonderful people to choose from. All people whom I've never snubbed - in fact maybe I let people become friendly too easily (like my SAC girls - grrrr quizzing me about love life all), because I've never once fobbed off anyone who was trying to be friendly. Makes me feel like a nice fuzzball (:

4. Some people could use a serious dose of etiquette. I'd rather be "snooty", "affected" and an "overseas Indian" (whatever That means) with the un-helpable accent, than a rude stolid silent twat. Snoot-power baybee!

So all in all, catharsis complete, am a happy person now! Yay!

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 06:10:39 GMT

the office workwear didnt seem very practical - how many people do you know with that nipped in a waist? but short sleeves and medium-length gloves - very hawt.

heavier material than your average coat/dress, but would be so snug for fall, especially with those shoes. hate fur, but if that were faux it would be so cool.

really bold geometric prints on her dress. when the model wearing this outfit first came out onto the runway i audibly gasped, because after so much black and grey there was this YOWZA colour hitting me in the eye.

the light dress with strong, snug-as-a-bug gloves - This is why we Neeeeeed gloves. i'm not sure whether this is true of the NY shoes, but the shoes at saturday's show were by louboutin - the trademark red soles flashing off the runway on certain pairs heh. those were really some shoes.

grin the LIPS. wait for it there's more!

look so prettyyy. i'm still wondering whether if you were a normal human beings and actually had breasts, whether the dress would fall as nicely. opinions?

there's actually one dress i'm trying to find, but cant get a picture of. this navy blue number with pink lips all over - it was so sensational.

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 04:10:24 GMT

gah blogger is down, and i wont have time to blog later, so here goes! expect a technologically phenomenal cut-and-paste once blogger's up again.

being a teacher/person in outdoor clothes in a secondary school is weeeeeird. on wednesday when i had my first debate coaching session, the students actually stood up simultaneously, bowed, and went "GOOD MORNING MISS VAISHNAVI." (Miss Jayakumar is just too weird, i'm still getting used to the "miss" in front of my name at all). my response to that? i burst out in embarrassed giggles. that Can't have been good for my reputation as a firm but gentle disciplinarian. and clearly, i was not successful in instilling the fear of god into them, because on my way home with two of them in tow, i was interrogated extensively about my single status (what questions! and from barely-there-14yearolds hmph). hardly the stuff teacher-student relations are made of.

yesterday was my first full day on the job at crescent, and i must say, its location is fabulous. minutes away from town, yet secluded enough to be uppity, with great houses nearby; i like (: mun and amelia are working there too so no problems with feeling isolated anyway, and the canteen food is infinitely better than anything rg ever served up (i love my alma mater, really, but i dont understand how i ever managed to put on weight while there. probably the existence of bravissimo down the road).

here i confess that i love all gizmos as long as i don't have to configure them myself, LIKE my ultra-cool tablet pc that is mine until may and apparently every crescent girl has one. it even has a stylist pen (i think that's what it's called?) and more cool-ly, a bag with RETRACTABLE HANDLES. retractable handles have a Funk about them do they not? i mustn't have made a very good impression on ms ting, but she assured me she was just as geek-awed when she first got her gizmo.

i think i've never truly appreciated being tall, I LOVE IT. it means that i don't have to wear soul-sucking, life-draining, evil court shoes that gave me four blisters in the course of the day! come monday i take flip-flops to the office to wear under the table. and since it was shriram's birthday yesterday, i had to troop down to plaza singapura and get his cake from secret recipe, then take a bus home because the taxi line was impossibly long! what was with town yesterday anyway, there were way more people than usual? and had to carefully balance the cake on my lap so it wouldn't tilt and get spoilt. those goddamn pumps hurt so much that once i reached my busstop, i had to take a cab from the bus-stop back home. yes, exactly.

so there was big drama last night in the jayakumar household when i got home after UNIFEM, because shriram was fast asleep. they wanted to wait for me to cut the cake, and so i hurried back, arriving home at 11pm. my brother, though, was a complete jackass, refusing to wake up, then screaming at me when i told him that we could cut the cake now. finally, my mum had to cut a single slice from the cake, stick the candles on top and bring it to him in bed and sing him happy birthday, after which he was more than happy to get up, walk around and eat cake, even talking on the phone to my uncle who called to wish him. i was just so pissed off with him. because i was stupid enough to take all that additional effort and be in real genuine pain because it was his birthday; i even felt guilty at UNIFEM because i wasn't home to celebrate with him. partly why i went to PS to get him a cake in the first place. and his response? ughh. so now the status quo is, i'm completely freezing him, my mum's mad at me because i'm freezing him and so has chosen to stick to my brother, so i'm mad at her because she's freezing me. grin this is the stuff great tragedies are made of. no wait, tonight, when three angry people go for dinner to celebrate a birthday, That will be the stuff great tragedies are made of. i may just skip the festivities, not really in a mood to have dagger-looks shot at me throughout dinner.

ok must be off it's saturday and there is a LOT of work to do!

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 16:50:20 GMT

i went to the temple today for janmaashtami - hindu equivalent of christmas.

i am not a temple aficionado. i've been through the different stages; as a child, going and clasping hands together because mum and dad say that i should, and because i felt a very childlike affection for this always-smiling figure. in early secondary school i lost belief in any benign power (if i had read conrad then, i don't think faith would ever have been restored =P); the world was shitty and that was that. then in later secondary it became more tempered, but even then, not a temple person. if anything, i would sit in my bed and chat (if you ask me, it makes a lot more sense to think you're chatting with God than to think you're chatting with yourself; one makes you feel special, the other like two bricks short of a load) with the old chap up there, about why mum wasn't letting me go watch this movie or why she disapproved of certain company whom i found fascinating (the fascination of the abomination =P), like science experiments.

in all fairness, there are very strong cases for why so few people my age go to temples out of genuine faith or belief. it's a foreign language. it's sanskrit, and how many tamils can speak hindi, let alone understand sanskrit? the priests recite and you stand there dutifully looking pious without the faintest idea as to what he's saying, until the bells ring and then you're done. the hindu philosophy is amazingly complex, which is why it's as stupid to say that hinduism is all about idol-worship, as it is to say that all christians are mormons. yet idols as representatives of an omnipotent supreme consciousness are certainly very important, and temples are their homes. and because of the cultural importance divested in them, even their homes are different.

that's why i can finally understand the appeal of temples, especially ones that are closely linked to your growing up. the waterloo street temple is the one i have gone to since... forever. it's something you can leave, for as long as you want, but once you go back there's no resentment on its part at your absence. instead, i felt a rush of reverence, of being protected, of love that swelled from nowhere when i stepped in. certainly i didn't expect it. the architecture is familiar, the idols solid granite friends. their smiles are no longer condescending, but familiar. even the prayers, which i still don't understand, are comforting in their rhythm, in their regularity; you know just when the priest will inflect and when the tone will fall. you recognise the steps, even if you don't understand them, and it feels good to have something so constant, so unwavering in its pattern, in its schedule. perhaps its the comfort of regulation; this will not change come what may. it will be there, they will be there, whether you've been bad or good, smiling serenely at both victories and falls. you would think i'd resent their smirks at my misfortune, but it's cleansing i think, and maintains your perspective - so what if the day wasn't so hot? they must know something you don't, otherwise they wouldn't be grinning so aggravatingly. and so it will all be ok.

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 12:51:22 GMT

"Winston did not get up for a few minutes more. The room was darkening. He turned over towards the light and lay gazing into the glass paperweight. The inexhaustibly interesting thing was not the fragment of coral but the interior of glass itself. There was such a depth of it, and yet it was almost as transparent as air. It was as though the surface of the glass had been the arch of the sky, enclosing a tiny world with its atmosphere complete. He had the feeling that he could get inside it, and that in fact he was inside it, along with the mahogany bed and the gate-leg table, and the clock and the steel engraving and the paperweight itself. The paperweight was the room he was in, and the coral was Julia's life and his own, fixed in a sort of eternity at the heart of the crystal."
1984, George Orwell

it feels so wispy, like possible marbled surface of the coral (i wouldn't know, have never really seen one). i like it (:

and

"It's a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. Of course the great wastage is in the verbs and adjectives, but there are hundreds of nouns that can be got rid of as well. It isn't only the synonyms; there are also the antonyms. After all, what justification is there for a word which is simply the opposite of some other word? A word contains its opposite in itself. Take 'good', for instance. If you have a word like 'good', what need is there for a word like 'bad'? 'Ungood' will do just as well - better, because it's an exact opposite, which the other is not. Or again, if you want a stronger version of 'good', what sense is there in having a whole string of vague useless words like 'excellent' and 'splendid' and all the rest of them? 'Plusgood' covers the meaning; or 'doubleplusgood' if you want something stronger still....

In the end the whole notion of badness will be covered by only six words - in reality, only one word."

women and idealism

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 12:27:56 GMT

"It's queer how out of touch with truth women are. They live in a world of their own, and there had never been anything like it, and never can be. It is too beautiful altogether, and if they were to set it up it would go to pieces before hte first sunset. Some confounded fact we men have been living with contentedly with ever since the day of creation would start up and knock the whole thing over."
conrad, heart of darkness

heh so i'm guessing mrs perry would look shocked if i confessed that i think there's some truth in that. like purvis did :p well i don't think the first bit's true, that women are out of touch with the truth. i guess it depends on your definition of truth; its fluidity is so linked to how complex human beings are. if marlowe means that the "truth" is grim, harsh and full of grit, then it seems too one-sided. if he means that "truth" is an understanding of how the world works, then no, women understand how the world works just fine. but doesn't everyone essentially see things from a different standpoint, and doesn't that necessarily make everyone's world their own, not just women's?

i like the idealism that i'm allowed to maintain as a woman, and that's where i agree with marlowe. not everyone's idealistic, but the sensitivity of situations, aesthetic and sensory pleasures, height of emotions, the really quite epicurean standards - i don't think they figure in marlowe's concept of truth and therefore in men's lives. ok so i'm not a man, so i don't know how true what he says is, but it's so much easier for parents to indulge a girl's "whimsical fancies" than a boy's "namby-pamby ways".

and quite sheepishly, i'm still pretty idealistic, expecting very high standards in a lot of areas. hee and that's the bit my mum gets concerned with, she says that it was alright as long as i was a young girl, but becoming an adult, i should learn to compromise and realise that although some standards may not be met, they'll be compensated for in other ways, and that it's not fair for me to expect so much and judge so harshly when those expectations aren't met.

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 07:38:30 GMT

ice-cream on thursday with honey was sublimely simple and enjoyable. it is difficult to imagine having that sort of connection with anyone i've met in the past two years, but it is also one of the most natural connections that have sprung up, with little to no effort on both our parts. when she talks i am not listening, but feeling; when i talk i know the comprehensible noise emitted are not what matter, but the incomprehensible sounds that she will hear, or feel. and silence is poetry in its golden ripeness, with all that is unsaid finally being said, and understood, and enjoyed. and as i was sitting in haagen-dazs, i finally understood this extract from breakfast at tiffany's:

"Those final weeks, spanning end of summer and the beginning of another autumn, are blurred in memory, perhaps because our understanding of each other had reached that sweet depth where 2 people communicate more often in silence than in words : an affectionate quietness replaces the tensions, the unrelaxed chatter and chasing about that produce a friendship's more showy, more in the surface sense, dramatic moments."
capote, breakfast at tiffany's

how often does that happen, do you think? often enough to warrant the hungry seeking of new minds to devour, new hearts to worm into and nestle in? i don't know. there are days when it seems a lot more nourishing to repeat such encounters with the same people with whom this has been established. but on other days, thinking about the potential for more of such encounters provokes a rush for companionship, trying to find another one who will reply to your synapses. i'm still trying to figure it out.

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 01:33:43 GMT

what the fuck was i thinking. this is raffles bloody jc. screwed doesn't begin to describe my state.

Tue, 24 May 2005 16:35:27 GMT

In part she had come to America in flight from her love story (and, also, to make her exit as a bit player in the long-running drama-entitled Etc.-that was the almost criminally successful life of her mother). But now she is extremely lonely in her plight to find a man to connect with.

Others who try to pick her up sometimes say something acceptable enough, sometimes ironic enough to mischievous enough to be charming, but then - because up close she is more beautiful than they had realized and, for one so petite, a little more arrogant than they may have expected - they get shy and back off. The ones who make eye contact with her are automatically the ones she doesn't like. And the ones who are lost in their books, who are charmingly oblivious and charmingly desirable, are... lost in their books. What is she looking for? She is looking for the man who is going to recognise her. She is looking for the Great Recognizer.

philip roth, the human stain

more bits later; but for now that tugged at the heartstrings, more than a little.

Fri, 06 May 2005 12:35:45 GMT

i absolutely heart lit s lectures (: also, very happy with me! - purvis said that everyone who says that they want to sit in on lessons even though they don't take lit s, only lasted two weeks. well i have managed to attend a respectable number of lectures to the extent that he's firmly convinced i do lit s - haha it's been so entertaining telling him again and again "but sir, i don't do lit s!" haha least now i'm certain that i adore literature, and will continue to do so, despite how hampered i may be in terms of aptitude.

oh, and ask me to show you thong's cleopatra in my book - it is lovely. l'enigme indeed.

Wed, 04 May 2005 15:24:11 GMT

right. i know that logically, i should not be feeling this overwhelmed. after all, i have no cca going on - but i am stressed! because one my goals is moving further and further away and two everyone else's dreams seem to be edging much much closer to them. like C and A and K [but then when have her dreams -ever- been far away].

now perry thinks i was being primadonna about ms gibson in daisy, which sucks because i really, really wasn't. i thought the role sounded great and i wouldn't have committed to it if i thought i wasn't going to like doing it. and i tried so hard to change my mum's mind about daisy, but she wouldn't budge after seeing that F in math. which wasn't representative of my common tests in general - i got ABCF, with only the F as a major cause for concern. i was a mark away from a B for econs, and history would have been an A if not for ridiculous marking by mr kwok, who didn't give a single A to anyone in class.

now that i think about it, i think purvis thinks i'm primadonna too, because i remember him talking about people with inflated egos who wouldn't take parts they thought weren't good enough. probably heard from mrs perry. i can deal with mrs perry, perhaps, not liking me [well i wouldn't deal with it very well seeing as how her opinion of me matters a lot to me], but if mr purvis thinks i'm some stupid pompous maniac who's uppity about roles and signs up and pulls out at will, that's just horrible, because it was nothing like that and i would hate to think he thought i was that sort of freak. i have no idea why his approval is so important, but it is - just like if i were still doing german, i would hate to have herr wittmeyer have a bad impression of me. i mean, it's not unique to me, most people, whether anti or pro-purvis probably go nutty internally or externally at any sign of approval. like the thrill you get when you see a "good" next to a line of your essay [unless you are one of the triumvirate that has long since left that stratosphere and who entertain "superb writing"s and "marvellous"s and "excellent"s in their margins :P].

nothing's working out the way it was supposed to. we're not dancing for dance night because some girl's mum won't let her, which screws the entire dance formation etc and there's no time to train a reserve. P and J are busy with the j3 dance anyway, and that sucks because i was looking forward to dancing for dance night. and i know the other 10 girls were too. ironically, this smacks of my pulling out from daisy, but at least that was way in advance, and alternatives were possible. here, nothing. i wouldn't have minded so much if we weren't dancing anyway, but after the possibility of dancing, the fact that we're not going to, anymore, really sucks.

do this do this do this!

Sun, 01 May 2005 00:32:07 GMT

from claudacity

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1. Do you snore or otherwise do non-room-mate-conducive things when you sleep? (This is Important. I may have some time to text rolly in panic and anguish if you tell me fast enough. :P)

well i don't snore, but i do talk in my sleep- the good part is supposedly my talking is quite Juicy so at least thailand will return you with eyebags but a whole lot of gossip =P but somehow not that prevalent when i'm not sleeping at home -crosses fingers-

2. Would you ever skip class to have your legs/eyebrows waxed? Why? [peers in another general direction. coughs.]

WAX my eyebrows?! i am not about to become skinhead freak with tatooed eyebrows [or for that matter, chinese lady with impossible taste]. but hmm. skip class. a kwok tutorial perhaps, or pe - i've done that to get my eyebrows threaded. it boils down to Opportunity Cost really - kwok tutorial has o.c. of bushy eyebrows till next wednesday, clearly not the best alternative. not to wax legs though, that can be done in comfort of home.

3. Barring financial and geographical (i.e. getting overseas people to attend) reasons, where would you hold your wedding- India or Singapore? Where, specifically? (and why, of course.)

india, no doubt. one, facilities - weddings can be so much more beautiful there than they are here. two, known priests to conduct ceremony [or does that become geographical?]. three, culture. india's chock-full of culture and none of the singapore weddings i've attended have seemed that permeated with the feel of being indian, which i quite like (:

4. Is your average humanities person too much of an aesthete? Are we really cultural snobs?

haha that's difficult; humans has a couple of groups, and some of them would be cultural snobs. but others, like the markchen or randyong sort are very much the other extreme of snob. actually come to think of it, i suppose a large portion of us are snobs - as in we may do or listen to attend things that are supposedly "plebeian" but would do so with the firm idea in mind, that indeed it is plebeian.

5. (because this is on everyone's minds for some reason) Describe, briefly, your idea of an Imperfect date.

where he pays more attention to anything else but me.

inaugural public post.

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 11:31:47 GMT

heh, so i've been posting here like crazy privately - but it's good, this lj. lets me blog all the things that are too public for blogspot- and the feeling of being hidden away, is quite nice. plus yes the security features! roxXor. anyway, have added my entries from my locked diaryland diary - to transfer everything here see. have unlocked a few entries that aren't as personal as the ones that are still private, but which i didn't feel entirely comfortable posting on blogspot.